This Is SPARTA!

Summary of Events (3/12/2026):
12/1/4722

Ahhhh, THE TONIC-CORRUPTED FALL!

The silent, hammer-wielding giant—attacked! But Puurcard the snow leopard was TOO NIMBLE!

Kren de Snow’s icicles struck! Puurcard’sclaws tore! But Ilena crawled back aboard, still chanting: “Come home, dear. Everything is better now!”

Jotaro wove powerful magic, cloaking his allies in INVISIBILITY! He warned: “One attack breaks it for EVERYONE!”

But Shakoom—glorious psychopathic Shakoom—couldn’t resist! He stabbed Ilena! Invisibility shattered!

Then began the SPARTANS’ TRIUMPH!

Shining Fist seized Ilena and HURLED her into the river! SPLASH!

She climbed back aboard! Shining Fist grabbed her—THIS IS SPARTA! Into the water!

She climbed back aboard! Shining Fist grabbed her—SPARTA! Into the water AGAIN!

FIVE TIMES the eidolon threw her overboard in pure anime glory—spinning, pivoting, posing in the crane kick stance between throws! Fey creatures in the water watched in BEWILDERMENT! “Why do they keep yelling Sparta? I don’t know. It’s a human thing.”

The battle raged!

Kren summoned a horde of crabs that swarmed the corrupted with snipping claws! Snip snip snip snip!

Nadja’s blistering insults ignited Katya in flames! “You’re a nasty, skanky swamp creature with disease from head to toe!” Katya tried to speak her haunting refrain—“I kept trying to find you—”—but Nadja’s curse silenced her mid-sentence with FIRE!

Shakoom channeled his orcish ancestors! His dagger struck! His flames consumed!

Hugh’s warhammer CRUSHED! “Shut up, you unholy swine!”

Shining Fist’s legs became a BLUR—anime-style fury! His strikes pummeled Pleasant Sky into the deck!

Shakoom’s final flames burned the corrupted blacksmith! “Dust to dust!”

Hugh sent Ilena flying through the air into the abyss! The crabs followed her down, looting her corpse, one triumphantly waving a stolen dagger above the water!

VICTORY!

But examining the bodies revealed HORROR! Black crystal blood seeping from wounds! They had poisoned themselves willingly over weeks! Residue on their arms! Burns where they’d applied the tonic! The transformation was progressive—many doses, changing them from the inside out!

Their souls trapped in dream-fugue, believing themselves alive while becoming undead thralls!

Jotaro remembered Nanna’s story: a man died of winter fever in his sleep, yet made breakfast the next morning—not knowing he was dead!

Kren observed grimly: “They did this willingly. They were treating themselves with whatever killed them.”